Discipline in adolescents

Adolescence can be a difficult stage for parents, children are in a somewhat ‘rebellious’ stage. They are searching for their identity and they constantly challenge parents in many cases. It is easier to discipline young children than adolescents, so it is important to have good discipline at home from when children are young. A 3-year-old tantrum is not the same as a 15-year-old.

Effective discipline for teens focuses on setting agreed-upon limits and helping teens work within them.

TEENS CAN PUT YOU TO THE TEST

Teenagers are on the path to becoming independent adults, and one way to do this is by testing limits and norms both at home and in society. The adolescent’s brain is undergoing changes and as a result, they want to try new things, something that will not always make them make good decisions. They can be influenced by their peers, and they feel things with much more intensity because of the internal revolution of hormones that they have.

But at the same time, they are also capable of reasoning while questioning the world and using creative ways to solve problems, the latter is undoubtedly an advantage and should be taken advantage of in their education and in the discipline that is used with them.

BASIC ASPECTS TO CONSIDER

Disciplining a child is not synonymous with punishing. It’s about teaching teens appropriate ways to behave. For teens, discipline is about agreeing and setting appropriate limits and helping them behave within those limits.

The discipline you used with your children when they were younger probably won’t work now, but they need to learn such important things as independence, take responsibility for their actions, and learn to solve problems and conflicts in daily life.

A teenager will need these skills to become a young adult with his or her own standards of appropriate behavior and respect for others. An important part of this is learning to stick to some clear rules, agreed in advance and with consequences established and known to the adolescent. Teens don’t yet have all the skills they need to make their own decisions, so the limits you agree on for behavior are a major influence on your child.

Adolescent discipline is most effective when:

-There is open and sincere communication on both sides. So you can talk quietly about the rules, limits and consequences.

-A warm and loving family environment is built and maintained, so adolescents will feel safe and if they make mistakes they will be able to solve them. Children with warm family relationships learn to control their own behavior, especially when guided by parents .

When adolescents are disciplined, negotiation is a fundamental part because it is the key to communication so that they communicate their problems. Negotiating with children will show that you respect their ideas and opinions and will help them feel closer to you. They will feel that their decisions are important to you too.

THE IMPORTANCE OF AGREEING LIMITS

Clear limits and expectations can discourage problem behavior because children will know what is expected of them at all times. Limits also help develop positive social behavior, which includes showing concern for others. But how can the limits be set to be clear?

-Involve your child in the development of limits and rules, also of consequences. When an adolescent feels that he can contribute, he will see everything more just and will be able to carry out the agreed rules.

-You have to be clear about the behavior you expect from your children. Give him clear examples.

-Make clear what your responsibilities are.

-Agree the consequences in advance for each rule that is broken.

-Use praise as long as you follow the rules.

-Have a willingness to adjust the rules and be flexible as long as you show attitudes of responsibility and good behavior.

THE USE OF CONSEQUENCES

Sometimes teens can test limits to see how far they can go. To handle this it will be necessary to establish consequences.

-The consequences must be appropriate. The consequences should be adjusted to the misbehavior, this will make you reflect on what has happened and you will feel that it is fair.

-They are used to understand. The use of consequences is to help children understand your point of view and learn to give and receive, as well as to have part of the control of their behavior.

-The privilege can be withdrawn. This consequence should be used sparingly; if you use it too much, it won’t work well. The idea is to eliminate something that you know your child likes, for example, going to a friend’s house. You should inform your child in advance that this is what will happen. Privileges must not be withdrawn for a long time for the consequence to be effective.

-Reinforce the consequences. To reinforce the consequences, it is important that you communicate with your children with clarity and clarity about the problems that exist. Self-reflection is also necessary for children to learn to think about their behavior and how it might change it in the future.

OTHER IDEAS FOR WORKING ON DISCIPLINE WITH ADOLESCENTS

There are other ideas that you can take into account to work on discipline in adolescents:

-Establish a behavior contract. In this contract you can make the rules and consequences clear before they are going to have any negative or reckless behavior. Your mistakes will be your great teachers.

-Don’t embarrass your teenage children. Humiliation will never be a good path. So it is better to work from mutual respect and knowing that they have their own opinion about what may have happened.

-That they learn from their mistakes. If your son, for example, has broken a window, he will have to pay for the repair. If he misbehaves with his brother, he will have to make amends by doing something nice for him during the week.

-Don’t have too many rules. If you make too many rules, they may end up not following any of them. Focus on a few first and when they begin to fulfill them internally, then change them for others.

-Choose your battles. You don’t want to argue about everything. Remember that he is a teenager and empathize with this. If something is not too important, just calmly let him know what you think, but nothing more.