Essential communication skills to teach your children

Children learn everything from you and conflict in a relationship is inevitable on many occasions . This means that your children will see in you the example of how to handle these types of situations. Communication skills in conflict are essential to have good interpersonal relationships and therefore, you should be a good role model.

In reality, conflict is not a problem in itself, but it can bring people together or separate. Poor communication skills , disagreements, and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and resentment between people, or just the opposite, reinforce it.

STAY CENTERED

Teach your children that conflicts should not bring up “dirty laundry” , and the hurts of the past should be addressed in a different conversation . When there is a conflict, you have to focus on the present, on the feelings that are currently provoked and understand the emotions to find the most appropriate solution in each case.

LISTEN TO THE OTHER

People often think they are listening, but they are really thinking about what they are going to say when the other person stops talking. (Try to notice if you do it the next time you’re in an argument.) Truly effective communication goes both ways, it is two-way.

Although it is complicated, it is necessary to teach children how to listen is really necessary and you must be their best example. Don’t interrupt him, don’t get defensive, just listen to your kids when you have an argument and reflect on what he’s saying so he knows you’ve heard him.

TRY TO SEE THINGS FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE

In conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view so that the other person sees things our way. This is understandable, but focusing too much on our own desire to be understood above all else can backfire. 

Ironically, if we all do this all the time , there is little focus on the other person’s point of view and no one feels understood. Try to see the other side’s point of view, and then you can better explain yours. If you don’t understand things, ask questions until you do. A conflict is best resolved if everyone feels heard.

CRITICISM IS RESPONDED TO WITH EMPATHY

Although criticism seems like it just feels like attacks and that’s why most people get defensive, it takes a lot of empathy to be able to deal with it. While criticism is difficult to hear and is often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it is important to listen to the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings . Also, find out what is true in what they are saying;  that can be valuable information for you. This is a great lesson that your children need to learn as soon as possible to prevent criticism or comments from others from affecting them too much.

ADMIT WHEN YOU’RE WRONG

Admitting one’s mistakes is a great teaching for children and of course, it is a strength and not a weakness.  Effective communication involves admitting when you are wrong. If you both share responsibility in a conflict (which is often the case), seek out and admit what is yours. Publicize the situation, set a good example and show how mature you are. Often times, you will also inspire the other person to respond in kind, which brings you closer to mutual understanding and a solution.

USE “I” MESSAGES

Instead of attacking the other person and saying things like “you are to blame”, “you were wrong”; etc. Start with “I” phrases and focus on you and your feelings, such as “I feel frustrated when this happens.” This is less accusatory and creates less defensiveness and helps others understand your point of view instead of feeling attacked. When your children understand this, when they get angry they will not tell you that you are a bad father or a bad mother!