If you do not agree with the discipline strategies with your partner and this is a problem in raising your children, you should know that it is quite common. Couples come from different families and have different temperaments. One part of the couple may be more tolerant and the other more strict, for example. Sometimes these differences can be complementary, but in others, they can lead to conflict. What can be done when parents disagree with their children’s discipline strategies?
WHEN PARENTS DISAGREE
Most couples differ at times when it comes to discipline. For example, parents often disagree on when to intervene with a behavior. A parent may believe that a child should not be given reminders if he does not complete his assignments on time. In this case, that parent may suggest simply applying a negative consequence. However, the other parent may believe that the children should have additional opportunities. What happens too often is that the problem of discipline (what the child did or did not do) is put aside and a new problem arises: that of discord between the parents.
It is important to analyze the differences when they arise or may cause major problems in the future. Parents should be the best team for their children, because only by going down the same path can they transmit safety and discipline to their children.
CONSEQUENCES OF DISAGREEING
Disagreeing about parenting can easily lead to serious relationship problems. Sometimes one parent tends to side with the children and may turn “us” against the other parent. Then, instead of working as a team , the parents begin to work against each other or against each other, something that always aggravates the situation.
It is also unhealthy for children when parents have frequent disagreements about discipline . If you tend to be tougher on children, you will likely become the “bad parent” and your children will quickly learn to ask the other parent for things. This can lead to communication problems not only between the couple but also between a parent and the children. Consequences that are not consistent can also make children feel insecure and anxious because they do not know what to expect from parents and home discipline.
When you talk to your partner, you should bear in mind that the problem is not only something specific to children’s behavior … behind it is something more important: the parents’ love for their children. When a parent firmly believes that one approach is better than another in disciplining a child, all of these emotions come to a head. An attack on a parent’s style of discipline can end up feeling like an attack on their love for the children.
Obviously, having disagreements when it comes to discipline strategies for children is not healthy for parents or children. But what can you do if you are in the middle of discord? Discipline as a united front. Keep in mind that this is a life-long process when you have children. Discipline problems change with age, and parents also change due to their experiences along the way.
If you see it necessary, you can go to a family psychologist or a psychopedagogue specialized in family counseling to find the best parenting strategies, in many cases, the problem is not in the behavior of the children, but in the way of solving the problems that parents have.