How discipline has to be when you get divorced
When you get divorced and become a single parent again, you will have to rethink discipline with your children. These tips will help you.
When you get divorced it is a difficult and delicate process for everyone. You have a bad time because you separate from the person with whom you had made a life commitment … But children also have a bad time, even worse, because the stability of their home, their parents, divorce and they will no longer live together never again, they may not even want to see each other. All of this can internally destabilize children and cause them to have behavior problems. Do you need discipline in these cases?
Discipline is necessary, although you are also a bit flexible considering the sensitivity of the situation. Disciplining children after a divorce poses many challenges. After all, divorce is stressful for everyone and it is normal for children to show a greater behavioral problem when their parents separate.
Being a single parent, even in the best of circumstances, is not easy. With no one else to assume or endorse it, disciplining children on your own is a huge responsibility. Other issues, like custody battles, can make life after a divorce especially difficult … and nerves run rampant every day.
Thinking back to the rules
It is necessary to rethink the house rules after the divorce because now the two parents will no longer be there, now it will only be you. Dedicate which rules you want to keep and which ones you prefer to change. As a single parent, you may need to be more strict in some areas and more relaxed in others. For example, you may decide to be more consistent with bedtime but more relaxed with making sure rooms are cleaned every day. It all depends on how much you can realistically assume each norm.
The rules do not need to be exactly the same as the other parents. Children adjust quite well to different rules in different settings. Just as there are different rules at home compared to school, they can accommodate the different rules at each parent’s home.
You will have to prepare yourself to hear things like: “But at Daddy’s house we can stay up as long as we want” or “Mom doesn’t force us to eat all our vegetables.” Respond gently that in your house there are some rules and in the other parent’s house there may be others.
The consequences must be clear
You will need to be prepared for behavior problems because they are likely to escalate, such as wake-up calls or regressive behaviors. You will also need to pay attention to behaviors that may indicate that your child needs professional help to deal with the divorce.
Decide what you will use for positive and negative consequences in each case and be prepared for the children to test the rules and push you to the limit, because they will. Therefore, the consequences must be clear and you must be consistent when applying them. Often times, after a divorce, children really want to see if you are able to control their bad behavior, unconsciously it is a way to make sure that they can be by your side. Safe and well protected at all times, who know they can count on you for guidance in life.
If a behavior problem occurs in your home, the consequence should take place in your home. If your child misbehaves just before going to the other parent’s house, give him the consequence when he returns home. From time to time, the parents come to an agreement in which the other parent agrees to carry out the consequences. This would mean that if a child loses their tablet privileges for 24 hours before going to the other parent’s home, the other parent would carry out that consequence. In reality, many families do not do this because of the poor communication that often exists between divorced parents.
Consistent discipline
Sometimes parents avoid disciplining children because they feel bad after doing it. In reality, children need this constant discipline to feel safe, especially when they also have emotional problems or are feeling stressed by the changes that are coming. Children with stress need discipline more than ever through positive discipline and reassurance that parents must convey to them at all times.
In this sense, it is necessary that you maintain constant discipline in your home so that your children know what to expect when they are at home. If discipline is inconsistent, it can be confusing for children. If your children come and go from the parents’ home, they will need to know exactly what to expect when they are in each of the homes.
Is communication with your ex possible?
The best indicator of how children will recover from divorce is how their parents cope during and after the divorce. Hopefully, can you communicate with your ex about your children’s behaviors when necessary? For the sake of your children it is necessary that you try since the emotional health of your little ones will depend to a great extent on this.
For example, it might be helpful to know if the parent of your children may be concerned that a behavior problem has arisen at home. In this way you could approach it jointly. You can talk about what may or may not be useful in this regard.
Team up with your ex if possible
Parents who work together to raise their children as if they were a team for the good of their children would be appropriate, although it is not always possible. If you are a parenting team, you could be very successful in handling behavior problems after a divorce. Many behavior problems are best resolved when everyone is aware of the problem and a behavior management plan has been developed.
If you and your ex can’t work together as a team for one reason or another, you’d better focus on what you can do to address the behaviors in your home. Staying focused on what is under your control will have the best result for your children.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.