Children need rules, limits, and discipline to improve their behavior and feel safe and loved at home. But there are also some discipline strategies or techniques that parents use often that can actually make a child’s behavior worse. Although parents generally always do it with the best of intentions, these discipline techniques can be downright counterproductive.
It is certain that there is not a father or mother on the entire planet who has not yelled or raised his voice to his children at least once in his life. Yelling at children regularly is not useful, it does not educate and it can also cause serious emotional problems. Yelling causes children to disconnect from what is being said so they are less likely to listen.
Children become numb to yelling very quickly, so if you yell at them regularly it will lose the effect and make children immune. As a result, they will not hear the message you want to convey and the unwanted behavior will be repeated.
2. SCOLD A LOT
When children are scolded too much, they also lose effectiveness in their behavior. It is usually used to teach children to behave in a responsible way. When children know that they do not need to remember what to do because their parents will scold them for reminding them, they will not try to behave more responsibly.
Scolding can also lead children to automatically reply: ‘OK’, ‘I know’, ‘I’m sorry’. Encourage children to argue, to say that they will do it later, or that they are sorry for what they have done (but with no intention of improving the behavior in the future). No immediate action is taken. Rather than letting your kids complain, it’s better to give them immediate consequences or warnings so they know what to do and how.
3. EMBARRASSING THE CHILDREN
Embarrassing or punishing children is not helpful. Many parents in despair when their children are out of control use shame and this always makes things worse. Subjecting a child to humiliation can fuel a child’s anger and make behaviors worse . If you’re not sure what to do about your child’s behavior problems, seek professional help rather than trying to shame him into submitting.
4. JUST TALK WITHOUT LISTENING
A long conversation will only make your child stop understanding what you are saying, it will disconnect from your words . Instead of listening to what you say, he’s probably thinking how much he dislikes hearing you talk when you’re like this.
It is best to keep explanations short about what is happening. Explain why you want your child to change his behavior and state your expectations for the future. Instead of repeatedly telling her that she has done something wrong, take the opportunity to explain how she should do it and teach her the most appropriate problem-solving skills so that she knows what to do next time.
5. REPEATED THREAT
If you threaten your children repeatedly, they will learn that you are not serious, especially when you do not comply with the consequences. After all, why would a kid listen if they knew you really weren’t going to take away that outing to Grandma’s house this weekend?
Only threaten to remove privileges or give a negative consequence when you are actually going to comply. Consistent discipline is necessary if you really want your child’s behavior to change and improve.
6. DISPROPORTIONATE PUNISHMENT
Many parents make exaggerated threats out of anger, saying things like, ‘You won’t watch TV again in your entire life!’ However, it is likely that you will not watch television for a whole year, so it is not a real consequence. If your child loses all the privileges he has or loses a privilege for too long, he will also lose motivation to improve his behavior.
Kids can sometimes give up when they feel like they’ve lost anyway. Taking away all privileges is counterproductive because children realize that it is almost impossible to give new consequences and then they feel that they can behave however they want, because it does not matter what happens. Negative consequences must be time sensitive. Children must be aware of what they can do to regain privileges that they have lost indefinitely.
7. CONSEQUENCES THAT ARE NOT RELATED TO THE CONDUCT
Giving a child a consequence that is unrelated to misbehavior can be confusing for him. If, for example, a child has hit his brother and his parents force him to write 100 times ‘I will not hit my brother’, it does not teach how to resolve the conflict peacefully the next time, and it can also encourage aversion to writing.
The best way to teach children is by using logical or natural consequences. Logical consequences help children remember why they are receiving a consequence and prevent the child from repeating the misbehavior in the future. Natural consequences are consequences that arise on their own after negative behavior, such as smelling bad if you do not shower and others moving away from the bad smell you give off.
8. HIT THE CHILDREN
There is a lot of controversy around hitting children , but do you like to be hit? This is called assault and it is a crime. If you hit your son because he hit his brother, what are you teaching him? That pasting is appropriate in times of conflict so your child will get a confusing message to this.
In addition, children who are spanked by their parents are much more likely to behave aggressively as they learn that this violent behavior is normal and acceptable. They feel that if they are angry they have the right to act violently because it is their way of ‘being better’ or of ‘teaching’ others how they feel at a certain moment where anger completely dominates them.