In a divorce: don’t put your children in the way

It is possible that if you are getting divorced you are putting your children in the middle of all the mess almost without realizing it. It is not that you do it on purpose but you need to realize it because if you continue like this, your children could begin to feel seriously harmed by your attitude. Kids don’t have to feel like they’re stuck between you and your ex. It is a vicious cycle that can happen, yes, even for parents trying to be mindful of what they are doing.

You will have to start modifying this by taking the time to reflect and explain other ways of acting and not putting your children in such a vulnerable situation. Take into account these ways in which parents put their children in the middle of their divorce, almost without realizing it, you can become aware and remedy as soon as possible

IMPROVISE SCHEDULES

Children need to know in advance what their day will be like, so you must be very clear about the schedules that you will follow. It is a bad habit that starts unconsciously, regardless of whether there are good intentions or not … Using the children to adjust the impromptu schedule in co- parenting is not a good idea because it will put the children in the middle and force them to be recipients of your ex’s response.

For this reason, it is better that you have a set schedule in advance and that you adhere to it so that children do not have to be the recipients of your parenting conversations regarding the schedule .

ASKING THE CHILDREN ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT’S LIFE

Being curious is normal and you should not feel bad about it … Your children may even feel good about sharing that information with you. But it is not the information you need to know right now … this is another way that you are putting your children in the middle without realizing it, and you should stop doing it.

If you want to know how your ex’s life is going, talk to him / her directly and don’t involve your children. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t ask your children either because they will feel like they are telling something they shouldn’t secretly from their other parent.

CRITICIZE THE OTHER PARENT’S DECISIONS

Divorced parents often judge each other. He does not do things the way you would, or you may think he has a too controlling attitude. No matter what the reason is, and no matter how valid your concerns are, avoid criticizing your ex in front of the kids. 

Keep in mind, too, that biting your tongue requires discipline and practice. Allow your children to have their own opinions without being influenced by parental criticism of others.

EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO KNOW WHAT YOU NEED

Your children, like anyone else in the world, cannot read your mind. Don’t expect them to intuitively know what you want them to do or say when they are with your ex. Instead, let them know directly what you need, in case you can, because you do n’t have to put them in the middle of anything, don’t forget!

But generally, you can share your needs out loud, eliminating unrealistic expectations and giving the other person a chance to support you in parenting. It would even be ideal to talk with your ex about the type of discipline that you will have to give your children even if you are in separate houses … Because even if you are not a couple, you are still parents.

Choosing what is least convenient for your ex without considering your children

Sometimes just because you want to annoy your ex you can overlook your children’s needs, and this is not tolerable at all. Do not put your children in the middle of choosing less convenient options for your ex, just to try to get back at him / her in some way. This will only cause unnecessary problems with your ex and your children are in the middle of the dispute.

You need to model treating yourself with respect and courtesy. Rather than stand in the way between your children and your ex, it is better to advocate for keeping the peace and showing that you are capable of having reasonable interactions with your ex, thinking above all of the children’s needs before your own. own or your ex’s.