When a couple decides to divorce something has broken within their relationship, and even more so if they have children in common. A divorce for children can be devastating and even more so if they suffer the consequences of a traumatic divorce for both parties. Children sometimes get caught up in their parents’ bad relationship causing them to suffer unnecessarily.
The moment one person marries another, it is always done with the hope that love lasts forever, that the other person accepts us as we are and, above all, that they grow old together. In theory we think that the person we marry considers us good enough to live in harmony forever. But this is not always the case, life is unpredictable.
When divorce appears in family life it is because what was wanted for married life has simply ceased to exist. When children are caught in the middle of toxic interactions between their parents, it exacerbates their pain, and also that of the parents.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE
You make decisions every day and it is necessary that you think about your children before expressing all your anger and rage at the situation you are currently experiencing. Instead of letting all that anger out and feeding your anger, it is better that you reign the strength to see that person in someone who at one point in his life loved you and his current behavior is simply a clear reflection of his sadness, pain or misdirected rage. Your children must see in you that you have chosen the option of forgiveness and general well-being.
CHOOSE THE RIGHT PATH
To get along with the father or mother of your children who have become exes, you will have to choose the right path. You will need patience, tolerance and a lot of kindness to achieve this. You need to be the role model that your children will follow, especially when you have disagreements with your ex. They will be necessary moments in the education of your children so that they learn to deal with difficult communications thanks to your example.
YOUR CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS
Your children are the innocent bystanders of this whole story, they are never and never will be the cause. If they feel that their parents are fighting over them (for whatever reason, such as leaving the language book at the other parent’s house), they will believe that they were to blame for the divorce. And they never had anything to do with it, nor should they ever feel guilty.
Children learn through actions and even if you tell them that they are not to blame if with your actions they think they are, they will feel guilty about the divorce and this can cause them a lot of emotional problems. If you don’t want your children to feel responsible for your divorce, be very careful about the relationship you will have with your ex.
Children who do well after a divorce from their parents are the children whose parents have faced the challenge of being patient, polite and respectful, even in the most difficult times.
BE FRIENDS, OR AT LEAST GET ALONG
It can be very complicated depending on the circumstances, but your kids don’t need to get all of your anger on your ex. If it is not possible to have a cordial relationship, then it is important that at the very least, you do not speak ill of him or her in front of them. Try to keep a relationship as cordial as possible so that your children do not grow up in anger.
If you find yourself in a situation where you lose your temper with your ex, then you should consider working on your own frustration or sadness, as these feelings are clouding your judgment. It is not that you stop feeling these feelings, of course not, it is about channeling them differently. You can’t control your ex’s thoughts or actions, but you can control yours. What it really means is that your children are well and grow up knowing that both their father and mother love them with all their hearts even though they live in separate houses.