How to be the perfect stepmother

HOW TO BE THE PERFECT STEPMOTHER

Do you live with your partner’s children and you don’t know how to handle the situation? Learn how to become the perfect stepmother. Your boyfriend has children from his previous partner and although everything is perfect with him, you are afraid of how to incorporate his children into the equation. It scares you that the relationship you have may change or not be up to the task, you do not know how to act or what is the appropriate behavior in these cases.

It is increasingly common for a woman to become a stepmother to her boyfriend’s children. And it is a role that is not easy to carry out. It depends a lot on the age of the children, as this will determine how your behavior should be. Treating a small child is not the same as treating a teenager . For them you will be the woman who appears in their family life and destroys the myth of every child that their parents reconcile. Therefore, even if you are not to blame for anything, at first you may be seen as the enemy. But fear not, we teach you how to deal with this new role in your life, so that the transition is easy for all parties .

THAT YOUR PARTNER’S CHILDREN ACCEPT YOU IS NOT ALWAYS EASY

The word stepmother brings to mind negative aspects derived from the preconceived idea that the stories have given us. But a stepmother is just the wife or girlfriend of the father who becomes part of the family and who will live with the children for seasons or indefinitely .

Today more than a million children in our country are part of a reconstituted family, in which one of the parents remarries or lives with his new partner. Children do not usually get along very well with their parents’ new partner, on the other hand it is easier for them to do so with their mother’s. This is one more “obstacle” to deal with. In addition, you must find your place in the relationship with your boyfriend’s children, being clear that you must act like a “mother” but that you are not their mother . As difficult as it may seem, if all parties try and if you follow the guidelines that psychologists recommend, it will not be so difficult to find your place without giving up your life as a couple. Leave the stories behind, and become the perfect stepmother.

PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR STEPMOTHERS

-The first thing is to clarify what your behavior is going to be. Discuss the issue with your boyfriend, include your areas of authority and the discipline you must follow. The more topics you can clarify beforehand, the better. Make a firm agreement not to undermine your authority over the other in front of the children.

-Discuss the problems that arise with your boyfriend on a regular basis . Solving problems on the spot will allow you to have a more defined role and will make it easier for you to carry it out.

-Speak in positive or neutral terms about the biological mother in front of your stepchildren.

ADOPT AN AUTHORITY TO THE REAR

– Don’t pretend to be his mother, that’s not your role.

– Don’t try to win their sympathy by breaking boundaries.

-Don’t be who you are not, they will accept you sooner if you are yourself instead of being what you think they want you to be. They will notice that you are deceiving them.

– Be tolerant of yourself and your mistakes in the process. No one becomes a mother instantly.

-Avoid entering into a rivalry by competing with the child’s mother, it is a battle lost beforehand. Don’t compare yourself to her . Try to keep them connected with her and feel free to talk about her in front of you.

-Don’t let your fears dominate you. Being a stepmother does not mean being the bad guy in the story. Be kind and open, allow yourself to be loving and fun, but remember that you must also be ‘bossy’ and responsible.

HOW TO ACT IF YOU ARE STILL A SCHOOL-AGE CHILD

Being a stepmother is difficult, but the role of stepson is not easy either, since the child does not have a voice or vote in the new situation in which he is immersed, so he is likely to be cautious with you. To “earn it” try to find out if he likes you and if he wants to be with you. If the answer is negative, try not to get into his space, give him time. If a child says, “I can’t stand you,” kindly reply, “I don’t have to like you if you don’t want to, but I do try anyway.”

With children you have to go little by little until they adapt to the new situation. It is important that you earn their affection and that they see that you make their father happy. The new life with you is a big change for the little ones, so they will need some time to adjust to it. To win their affection, don’t try to buy them with gifts or promises. Don’t make the mistake of seeking her approval by indulging in things her parents don’t approve of. It is easier, and longer more effective, to find ways to reach them.

Take time alone for the family and other times just for you and the children. Offer to listen to their problems or to help them with their homework so they will understand that you are there too and that you care. When you share the same roof, children should feel at home, create a space for them.

Try to stay calm at all times, children can be cruel and rebellious, especially the little ones. You may even seek their behavior destabilize your relationship of a couple , do not fall into the game. Make him see that you are not passing through and that he must adapt, how you are trying to do.

HOW TO ACT IF YOU ARE A TEENAGER

Adopting the role of stepmother is never easy and even more so when there is a teenage son involved, because the older the stepson, the more difficult it is for him to adapt and to this must be added the rebellion typical of adolescence . Do not confuse this attitude of independence of the adolescent with a sabotage to your relationship, since it is a feeling typical of adolescence. Many psychologists claim that the ease or difficulty with which the adolescent accepts the stepmother is directly proportional to the way in which this figure has been introduced into his life.

It is not easy to know how to behave because each adolescent is different and reacts differently, but experts advise being patient. Accept that affection only develops over time. At first, your presence will be seen as a threat or perhaps resentful. Give them space to establish a relationship of trust with you.

Let him spend time with his father without you. Let them feel that they have not lost their father and that they are important. Don’t try to control a teenager, let their parents set the limits. Do not be a friend, it is a very common mistake that many women make and it is harmful in the long term . You are not his mother but you are not his friend either, that should be clear from the beginning. You can get along but you are an authority figure within the family and he must accept it.