How to help a child with a disability to be happy
A child with a disability does not need to be compensated for by other things, it simply has to be normalized.
The arrival into the world of a child with some type of disability has a great impact on families. Parents who look forward to the birth of their children with enthusiasm and happiness, are creating a previous image of what their little one will be like and in none of these images do they appear children with genetic syndromes, intellectual or physical disabilities . When this happens, that happiness can be cut short and parents must rebuild the image of their child.
This situation is described in a beautiful way in the essay “Welcome to Holland” (Welcome to Holland), written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley, American writer and screenwriter of the series Sesame Street, a few years after the birth of her son with Syndrome Down .
Here is an excerpt from this essay:
“Expecting a baby is like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a lot of tour guides and make wonderful plans : the Colosseum, Michelangelo’s David, the gondolas in Venice … You can also learn some phrases in Italian. Everything is very exciting.
After months of preparation, the day finally arrives: you pack your suitcase and are very nervous. A few hours later, on the plane, the stewardess says: “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?” You ask. “What do you mean Holland? I paid to go to Italy! All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy.” However, there has been a change in the flight plan, the plane has landed in Holland and there you have to stay.
So you have to go out and buy new tour guides, you will even have to learn a new language. The important thing is that you have not been taken to a horrible place: it is simply a different place. It is slower and less dazzling than Italy. But after spending some time there and catching your breath, you start looking around and you realize that Holland has windmills, tulips, even Rembrandts … But all your acquaintances are busy going to and from Italy, bragging about the wonderful days that have passed . And for the rest of your life, you’ll say to yourself, “Yeah, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
This pain never goes away, because the loss of this dream is a very significant loss. But if you waste your life regretting not having gone to Italy, you can never be free to enjoy what is special: the enchanting things that Holland has to offer . “
This feeling is the one experienced by many parents with children with disabilities. Despite all the extraordinary worries these parents may have, like everyone else their main motivation is that their children grow up with happiness. For this, it is important to be clear that we will not be able to make our children happy if we ourselves are not happy with them and we constantly yearn for the baby we had imagined.
Index
HAPPINESS: WHAT IS IT AND HOW DO I TRANSMIT IT TO YOU?
Once the parents firmly accept this situation, everything will be much easier. We often complicate our lives by trying to make children happy: we are distressed because we cannot buy a thousand and one toys for them, or we think that all the opportunities and experiences we give them are few . Actually, it is much easier to make them happy. The fundamental basis is that they feel the unconditional love and support of their parents or their reference figures.
It is also common for adults to focus on all negative things and for worries to invade us. “My son will not be able to walk well, he will always need support, he will not learn to read, he will not have friends, others will laugh at him …” Young children do not usually have those kinds of worries. However, if we fear all these things ourselves, we are likely to instill those fears in them.. Yes, children with disabilities probably require more support from their parents but, after all, what child does not need it? All parents rejoice when their children are reaching certain achievements, but how intense will the happiness of parents who see their children with disabilities reach goals that they thought they would never achieve?
We must try to normalize the situation and not victimize ourselves or our children . It is essential to try to make children feel like one more, to provide them with the necessary support and that they themselves value their virtues and abilities over their difficulties. So they can grow up happily, like any other child in their environment, and face the challenges that arise throughout their lives.
Most parents with children with disabilities, as at the end of the “Welcome to Holland” story, end up recognizing that having a child with a disability makes the experience of being a parent even more intense and enriching .
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.