This article is aimed at all those fathers and mothers who have children and do not know how to handle the situations that lie ahead. The advice that we are going to discuss below is important that both pillars of the child have so be very attentive and take them into account for the health of third parties.
DO NOT CHOOSE BETWEEN ONE AND THE OTHER
The first blunder is to make your children choose between one or the other. Even since we are little, the fact of having to choose between one friend or another when they get angry is one of the most uncomfortable and stressful moments that you can live in a group. So, imagine having to choose between your father and your mother which is usually like choosing between the Sun and the Moon. In other words, the two of you are the most important emotional and structural pillars in your child’s life . Therefore, in order to avoid this first mistake, a basic sanity must be maintained. If you can, try to end the relationship in a stable way, without aggressive or fighting situations.
In the event that it is not possible, you must understand (both of you) that couples do not last forever and that your child does not have to take a position on the side of anyone because he has not lived and will not live your entire career and does not have to understand the question of your anger with the other.
RESPECT AS A KEY TO COEXISTENCE
You must accept that (if there have been no problems of abuse or harm) it is good that your child benefits from having a relationship with both members of the former family. Let him enjoy your ex. This is linked to the second failure, which is to speak ill of the other. It is similar to the former, but with a more sibylline and long-term intention. Why? Speaking badly about your ex partner to your son only has the purpose that he ends up absorbing the same opinion that in the end will end up working and forming illogical arguments just to defend that position.
You are conveying your own opinions to a person that you should not, especially since they are not in the stage of creating their own arguments or reflecting on them. It is true, the marriage did not go as planned, maybe you did not want to end it or for any other reason, but let your son not carry that burden against anyone because he is not part of it. Another thing that can happen is that your son or daughter does not take sides in the bad opinions that you process by the ex-partner or that they even see them badly and end up thinking badly of you. If your child has a stronger personality, it is very possible that he will end up giving you a surprise and your arguments full of resentment.
DON’T INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN
This leads us to the next error. Prevent your children from having to find out everything you think about your ex partner. He is not a confidant or a friend . Surely what he wants the most at times like this is to go play with his friends and forget about everything.
Normalize the situation, if the child is going to visit the former partner, treat him naturally. After the divorce, the child will visit that person or vice versa and has to look like the one who goes to the movies. As long as the situation is proceeding normally and there is no indication of abuse or harm, it is still his other important pillar so let him go without having the feeling that he is abandoning you or that he is going with a bad person because a few years or months ago. It was not like that and you may be adding stress to it that could easily be removed and you would avoid future problems.
Linked with the aspect of not making our son the confidant of all our opinions regarding the former partner, do not use him as a messenger either. That only shows that you cannot even see your ex partner and if so, it shows that you cannot maintain a mature composure after the divorce. Clearly, you may need time, but once you’ve digested it, don’t send your kids to say a certain thing to your ex. You can deal with it by phone or face to face, but always maintaining your composure and even more so if your child is in front of you.
If it turns out that you are putting up with this way of acting from your ex partner for doing good to the child, you have to talk to the aforementioned or the aforementioned and make them understand that it is not a way to act in front of the child and not even in private. If he still doesn’t understand him, the best thing you can do is not have any dealings with him except when it is extremely necessary.
SUPPORT IN A NETWORK OF FRIENDS
In the event that you had a good relationship with your ex partner and the divorce was calm, it may happen that you continue to like it because, after all, the breakup was not harmful. However, after divorce, the decisions are usually final and it is not healthy for you that after trying to get back with your ex partner you keep trying without wanting to see that the marriage is over. Don’t get overwhelmed, focus on rebuilding your own life in a positive way, and even get up to meeting new people. One of the failures is to be in a couple and for the rest of the world to disappear.
Your partner is your partner or life partner, but it does not mean that it is your world so keep going out with your usual friends and continue doing activities without your partner since, if a divorce occurs, you really will not feel such an emptiness big.
I hope these brief tips help you and, above all, think about how you would feel if they made you choose between your two most beloved people. It will surely help you understand the decisions you have to make in order not to harm your child.