A divorce is not a dish of good taste for anyone, especially for children. They are the ones who have the worst time in the whole process, because although the parents want this to happen, they do not want to and their whole life is changed from top to bottom. They must learn to live their life differently from how they were used to, and furthermore, their parents will be separated. Now they will have two houses and two different models to follow.
You need to learn how to avoid some mistakes to get off to a good start in your family life after divorce. Now that the entire divorce process has passed, how can you now cope with parenthood alone?
Parenting after divorce can be difficult. Each divorcing couple has different degrees of civility and animosity. The more animosity, the more difficult it is to be a parent. Sometimes it seems impossible to do so. Regardless of your ex partner, you can control your own behavior and how you handle parenting. To do this, avoid these mistakes that are so common that parents make after a divorce.
1. FIGHT OVER BELONGINGS
Clothes, toys, or other belongings are money. Money is the main source of arguments in couples when they get divorced. Your children may have had many belongings when you were together because you had greater purchasing power, but now that has been divided in two.
Parents often have money concerns when they get divorced. This may also raise concerns about what the other parent brings from home or what is taken away. Ideally, there are different things in each house.
In a perfect world, you and your ex would divide the children’s belongings and supplement them with new purchases of clothes and toys at each house. You can allow the clothes to come and go freely … But this is not the reality for many people. The key is not to let your child feel guilty about what they wear or what they bring back. In everything you do, do n’t make your kids feel like they are responsible for your problems with your ex.
Remember that alone you can control what is in your home because it is likely that you will not have the cooperation of the other parent. One way to limit the frustration of losing newly purchased clothes in the other home is to wash your children’s clothes when they come to your house and return the children with the same set of clothes when they return to the other house. In this way, the clothes you have bought are never lost in the black hole of the other house, because they will not leave your house.
2. MAKE YOUR CHILD DEDICATE WHERE HE WANTS TO STAY
Some divorced couples allow their children to decide how much to keep with each parent. One may think that giving a child the power to make their own decisions would be empowering, but this is often not the case. Children DO NOT want to decide this, because they do not want to hurt either parent’s feelings . This decision is not theirs and it is unfair and selfish for parents to do so.
Ask your child if he wants to make this decision for example on holidays, but if it is too stressful, even if you do not like it, decide it with your ex. Only you are in control of your behavior and how you want to be a parent after the divorce.
3. SPEAK BADLY OF THE OTHER PARENT
This is absolutely prohibited. You may not realize it when you speak ill of the other parent, but your children do. And it hurts. Your ex is no longer your partner, but he will always be the father or mother of your children, and for that alone, you should respect him, at least, in front of your children.
Children listen even if you don’t realize it. They are able to put their ear to the walls to hear what you speak on the phone. They want to know what’s going on, even though they act like nothing is wrong. You need help and you need to vent, and that’s okay. But you have to be careful about when and where you do it.