Positive discipline: everything you need to know
Positive discipline is a form of education based on respect for children, discover everything about this discipline.
Today, many families worry about giving their children a proper education and even before becoming parents they consider the way in which they will educate their children. This is a good thing, although it can be a double-edged sword as we will see later. In any case, and although educational trends may have changed over the years, generally one can conclude something: educating is not easy.
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THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN
The education of children is a challenge for many families. Some of the factors that can influence the education of children to become a problem are:
– Preconceived ideas about what motherhood or fatherhood will be like. Although it is positive to consider these aspects before the arrival of a child, it is possible that you tend to idealize motherhood and fatherhood, which will lead to later frustration in many moments.
– The lack of their own emotional intelligence in parents. If we ourselves do not know how to manage our emotions, it will be difficult for us to educate our children in this regard.
– The presence of alterations or disorders in the development of children , which can affect the preconceived idea of the “ideal child” and make the management of their moods more expensive.
– The lack of time and the difficulty of family conciliation is something that today greatly influences the way in which parents educate their children.
Another aspect to take into account is the parenting style that the parents themselves have received. It may happen that they tend to repeat with their children what their parents put into practice with them or that they try to do the opposite if the memory of their childhood in this aspect is not positive.
ORIGINS OF POSITIVE DISCIPLINE
In recent years, another form of education called positive discipline has begun to be heard strongly. However, as is often the case, this term is often misunderstood and is often confused with “letting go”, “never saying no”, “not setting limits” … ideas that are more related to some of the parenting styles that we mentioned above, but not with positive discipline.
Although positive discipline is sometimes seen as something new , it actually has its roots in the works mainly of Adler and Deikurs, two Austrian doctors born in the late 19th century and who at the beginning of the 20th century raised their studies on child development. At the end of the century, it was the psychologist Jane Nelsen who collected those works and developed them into what she calls Positive Discipline.
WHAT IS POSITIVE DISCIPLINE?
Positive discipline seeks to model children’s behavior by going beyond the punishments and rewards that are generally used. This does not mean that it is a permissive form of education as we mentioned before, but neither is it authoritarian. The main thing that positive discipline tries to look for is mutual trust between adult and child and affection.
It is widely demonstrated that reinforcers, rewards, positive reinforcements are much more powerful than punishments. The punishments themselves may have short – term but not long – term, especially if not accompanied alternatives. That is, if we only punish a child for his behavior but do not offer him an adequate alternative of what to do, there is no learning.
Positive discipline goes further. Seeks to understand why the child behaves as he does, what are his motives. Positive discipline understands that if a child misbehaves, he does so because he does not know how to manage a problem that may be imperceptible to us, but is real for him.
That is why positive discipline places so much importance on affection. It seeks to establish relationships of trust and security, leaving fear aside. Therefore, it is important that we as adults are emotionally prepared for it. That we have a good education in emotional intelligence, both intrapersonal (knowing oneself) and intrapersonal (understanding and positioning ourselves in the place of the other).
Therefore, some more specific aspects that positive discipline seeks are:
– The understanding of the child by the adult, who must be able to put himself in his place and try to understand the reasons why a certain behavior occurs.
– Listening, which must be active , real listening , dedicating the necessary time and attention.
– Reach agreements, but not by way of blackmail or bribery, as is often the case.
– Respect guidelines, since as we say, positive discipline is not permissive, but rather establishes a series of rules to follow.
– Take responsibility for decisions, trying to make children responsible for their own actions early . They must understand that their actions and decisions have consequences and that they must be experienced as such.
– Do not give continuous orders, but as far as possible it will try to consult, ask or propose. Likewise, it is intended that the messages are not given negatively if not positive , thus trying to reinforce the positive behaviors of children, not necessarily with material things.
For all these reasons, positive discipline cannot be reduced to a number of guidelines to be followed in the education of children, but must be understood as something much more global. In the first place, it is necessary that parents adopt this position, that they understand and study child development in order to put themselves in the child’s shoes and that they themselves take care of having a good emotional intelligence, since positive discipline also understands that to a great extent , the behavior of children is a reflection of that of their parents. Parents should seek a connection with their children based, as we say, on respect, trust and affection.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.