Regain the good relationship with your adult child
If your relationship with your child has deteriorated, then do not hesitate to regain the good relationship you had.
The children when they grow they need more role models than critics who obstruct the way. No matter how old your child is , you will always be his or her father or mother and he or she will always be a child. When you interact, the parent-child relationship that has developed throughout their life instantly reappears. When your relationship with your adult child is damaged, the weight of his history can sabotage his attempts to reconcile and move on.
To repair this relationship, you must take the initiative and demonstrate through your actions that love continues to be the glue that binds you and your family , and that rationality is the vehicle that moves you forward. You must show your child how to improve things, he needs to learn it from you!
Index
LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF
Look within yourself to identify your own feelings, both those that you consider positive and negative. If your adult child is upset about your past behavior, find out what you need to do to avoid further harm . If problem behavior that has caused pain in the past persists in the present, find out how to set limits to prevent the pattern from repeating itself. For example, if your child continually borrows money and never pays it back, or is blatantly disrespectful, then you need to identify strategies to prevent this behavior from causing further damage to your relationship.
REVIEW YOUR EMOTIONS
Review the emotions you experience during interactions with your child. When an interaction goes wrong, do an autopsy on what happened. As you do this, you are not simply fanning the flames of your pain and anger, but you must observe the dynamics as objectively as possible. Examine who said what and how the sequence of statements, reactions, and counter-reactions turned into a counterproductive interaction.
LOOK FOR ALTERNATIVES
Explore alternative ways of responding to your child that can lead to better results. Respond in ways that build empathy or focus on reconciliation and problem solving rather than saying things that are more likely to elicit an angry reaction .
For example, if your child says something disrespectful or hurtful, instead of getting angry and responding in a bad way, try to express your feelings of pain or sadness about the effect that your child’s complaint has on your relationship. You can say something like, “It hurts when you insult me or don’t want to improve things,” or “I ‘m sorry that you feel this way and want to find out what we can do to improve things.”
LISTEN TO YOUR SON
Take on the difficult task of putting aside your defenses and seeing the relationship through the eyes of your adult child. Convey and confirm that you understand how and why he feels this way. Use empathy , validation, and active listening strategies, such as repeating or mirroring what you say. The goal here is to improve understanding and also to let your child see and feel that you understand their perspective.
SEEK HELP IF NECESSARY
Get help to solve these difficult problems. Talk to a trusted friend, relative, or counselor to gain an objective, outside perspective on ways to put past hurts behind you and deal effectively with current problems.
FORGIVE YOUR SON
Forgive your son for his all too human mistakes. Eliminate the concept of guilt from your thinking. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry.” Acknowledge your human limits, weaknesses, and contributions to past problems. Admitting the mistake is not admitting blame for all problems. You can say something like, “I’m sorry I hurt you” or “I’m sorry about how things turned out.” Recognize that both you and your child are flawed human beings trying to lead happy and productive lives, but both of you make many mistakes along the way. Cultivate your love and care for each other as a powerful tool in your efforts to fix what affects your relationship.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.