For a family to be happy and children to enjoy it, it is essential that a marriage takes care of itself. Children learn from parents and if they are happy, children will be too. In this sense, it is essential that you know how to detect the silent murderers of your marriage in time , only in this way will you be able to remedy it before it is too late.
You may know the most obvious things that can destroy any marriage or stable relationship, such as emotional or physical abuse, addictions, lies, or infidelity. Some problems are less visible and can also cause emotional distress in relationships. These difficulties can also be present in other more obvious problems. Beware of other relationship and marriage killers, who may be lurking in your home without you noticing.
Disrespect is often quite subtle. It is like an iceberg. Sometimes it is so subtle that couples do not realize or are aware that they are disrespecting their partner, or themselves. For example, when a person criticizes his partner about a failure, negative feelings will be created that accumulate and turn into emotional or verbal abuse.
LACK OF EMPATHY
Empathy is essential in any relationship to be healthy, but it is even more important when it comes to marriage and having children. A person must be emotionally ready to ‘step into the shoes’ of their partner. Couples need to be comforted when they go through delicate moments and feel pain, sadness, or anger. It is also important to learn to celebrate your successes and achievements, without resentment or envy.
Empathy is not the same as feeling sorry or envious. Empathy should allow you to feel the pain and joys of your partner in your very heart. This is Love.
If there is one thing that silently kills a partner and that they hardly realize, it is disinterest. Couples can gradually become disinterested in each other. This may be because they are separating emotionally, not sharing activities together, having different values, or lack of common interests.
One part of the couple may be too involved in a particular activity where they exclude the other. Or, one part of the couple refuses to do things with the other because they enjoy it with another person.
Your husband may hate movies that you do like, but he watches them every now and then and that means a lot to you. But if you don’t … this separates. When there is mutual disinterest, it leads to disconnection and later to divorce or infidelity.
The practical jokes or double meaning are not jokes, they are insults. This type of ‘joke’ that is more like disguised emotional aggression drives people away. It is possible that one part of the couple uses the joke as a way to hide or deflect hostility towards the other. For example, a person might say: ‘this food is disgusting’ and then, ‘don’t be like that, it was a joke’.
However, this comment was not taken by the recipient as a joke. These kinds of ‘jokes’ and sarcasm slowly erode over time and can even become toxic . This behavior is often the result of underlying or repressed anger that is not directly or constructively expressed to the partner.
LOVE IS OVER
It is possible that the love is over and one of the parties is faking it. It may even be a natural response to try to show love where there is none, especially because of the innate feeling of protection towards children.
This often happens with married couples who have become emotionally disconnected. They can still say ‘I love you’ and make the same affectionate gestures every day, although they feel it less and less. They don’t try to connect more, because they really don’t want to.
The marriage is clearly in jeopardy at this point. The antidote is to raise this painful issue with your partner. Finally, a conscious effort must be made to end this murderous dynamic of love.