It is possible that at some point in your life you have felt judged by the parenting style you have with your children. Society is like that, when something is not going the same way that they think is the right thing to do, they judge it unscrupulously. Perhaps the people who have ever judged you are your parents, in-laws, and even your friends. Possibly their advice is with all the good intentions in the world, but if you don’t like what they tell you, you will simply have to forget it.
It is necessary to know what information you should prioritize and keep in your mind and what information you simply do not have to pay attention to. It is a skill that will take time and that you will never have fully mastered, because you will always have doubts. On the other hand, if you ask yourself some questions, you can better evaluate what advice you should actively listen to or simply know that it is a useless criticism. Do not miss the questions you should ask yourself to know if ‘those advice’ that they give you should be welcomed in your mind or forgotten.
ARE YOU ASKING FOR ADVICE OR IS IT BEING GIVEN TO YOU WITHOUT PERMISSION?
This question is fundamental because if you have asked for advice, then okay, listen to what they tell you. But if you haven’t asked instead … then take the advice politely and then just downplay those words . Remember that you do not have to be rude since the other person is only trying to tell you their knowledge with good intention, but if you are not interested, simply accept the words and choose to keep them or not. You can say something like: ‘Thanks for the information, if I need it at some point I will consider it.’
IS THE OTHER PERSON TRYING TO BE HELPFUL OR HURTFUL?
Perhaps you are receiving advice from a person who seems more than useful, he wants to hurt you in a subtle way. But before you start putting your defenses on high alert, you will have to take your time and try to understand the other person’s heart. Is what he is saying to you because he really cares about you and your family? Is he speaking respectfully and lovingly to you?
To have good communication with this person (and with anyone else) you will only need to establish clear limits, in this way you will avoid getting too defensive. If you don’t like what they are telling you, you can be subtle and focus on their good intentions rather than their advice.
If that person is not well-intentioned, you can consider setting healthy boundaries and asking them not to give you any advice, although you appreciate the gesture. You can tell him that you feel comfortable with the parenting style you are carrying out and that you are advising yourself to do the best you can.
ARE YOU READING BETWEEN THE LINES?
Sometimes it is easy to make the mistake of misinterpreting advice. You can inadvertently add a meaning or emotion that was never intended by the person giving you the advice. You may replay the interaction through your mind in time, and sometimes overanalyze what he actually said to you. This is happening now more than ever because of written messages on social media, as people are more and more likely to read between the lines.
So that this does not happen to you, you will have to actively listen and ask questions if necessary so that you do not have doubts about what that person is saying. To make sure that the person does not say things that seem different to you, have an active listening: verbal and non-verbal guidelines to get the speaker’s attention and thus communicate the message that you have understood about the message that he was transmitting to you.
Keep in mind that social and written communication is a great obstacle and that the words of the other can be easily misinterpreted because we do not know intonation or the real intention of the comment. Sometimes the words you read don’t always mean what you first think.