We are going to expose you to a series of issues that are often a source of conflict in many families. No matter where you live or your philosophy of thought, you will coincide with the majority of families in your environment.
NIGHT OUTINGS AND ENTERTAINMENT
Going out partying with friends at night and when you return home will be a source of conflict. A good negotiation will be key when setting a schedule and limits. It is important to take into account the multiple possibilities of leisure and consumption that are offered to adolescents in these current times. Talking with them and explaining what the consequences of an inappropriate use or abuse of their newfound freedom can be, they can prevent future problems with alcohol, drugs or borderline behaviors.
End-of-term grades, progress as the course progresses, and behavior with peers and teachers can be a source of conflict for a rebellious adolescent. Motivation and positive reinforcement will do much better than punishment and “just because” authoritarianism. Negative reinforcement can be effective in the short term, but it can lead to school dropout in the near future.
FRIENDS AND COMPANIES
Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell you how you are. In adolescence, our friends are a fundamental part of our development and self-concept. You will need your best detective skills to see if that close friend of your child is actually a good influence or, on the contrary, helps your child to neglect his school obligations and not comply with the rules of the family. Or maybe it is your child who negatively influences his friend.
Adolescence also marks the beginning of sexual interest in the other sex (or the same). It is important to provide as much information as possible, truthful and without restrictions or prejudices, emphasizing promoting their own self-esteem and dignity, safety when having sexual or love relationships, and that the adolescent knows how to value the moment they are living and the strength of his feelings without neglecting other facets of his life (friends, studies, hobbies, family …)
Holidays are coming. As parents we have been choosing the destination for a few years and the way to spend a few days off with the family. Until now the children went without arguing to the place they dreamed of throughout the year, but now family roles have changed and the adolescent feels that his opinion deserves to be heard and his tastes attended to. Reaching an agreement that is favorable to everyone requires a lot of patience and understanding.
We once again insist on negotiation. Perhaps it is good that one of his close friends can accompany him on his vacation days, just as he can go with another to spend a few days without parents. Another option is the summer camps and colonies, where the adolescent will learn to develop his personality and his autonomy in a new and controlled environment.
Another reason for discussion. You will always want more than what is given to you. We must, as parents, be aware of the environment in which our child moves. A middle class family is not the same as an upper class family. The pay has to be related to several factors: their good behavior (both at home and in their studies), the good use they make of their money (they do not have the usual lags due to bad administration) and the social world in which they live .
In adolescence, it is normal for a dilemma to arise when selecting an educational profile for the future of our child. Keep in mind that it is easy for adolescents to change their mind several times in the same period, as they discover new opportunities and professional offers. It is essential to know how to guide them based on their skills and abilities. You will be a bad economist if you have never been good at math, or a bad lawyer if memory is not one of your best qualities. It is important to define what your tastes are and adapt them according to professional opportunities, both at the University level and in Vocational Training.
In each generation there has been a language of its own that is different from that of the previous generation. The way of addressing parents and adults is something that has been cultivated since childhood. It is essential to instill in children respect for the elderly, when addressing them, education opens many more doors than the rebellion that floods adolescents at this age. Sometimes a foul and inappropriate vocabulary is only a way to attract attention, in a maturation process that is being carried out without adequate family support.
You will want your own privacy and will close your bedroom door every time you get home. She looks for her personal space and is creating a world around her, according to her emotional and personal growth. Parents must respect their space. We can no longer enter his room without knocking, we should ask permission to “touch” his things, we will understand that he has little secrets that we will no longer know … and many other similar examples. He is becoming a young adult and is marking his territory.
The family role has changed and we must base it on democracy and negotiation between equals, there is no longer so much asymmetry. The role of “mother chick” has changed: her chicks are almost ready to leave the nest. We must offer ourselves when they need us and be attentive to the non-verbal signals that are leaving us in a subtle way. Observe from a distance but without intruding. Let them know that we are there.