10 ways to encourage empathy in your children
We give you a series of tips to help your children develop empathy and generosity.
There are children born with a genetic tendency to have a temperament that is difficult to control, we are talking about very impulsive children with little tolerance for frustration. It is normal, we are not all the same. Therefore, in these cases it is very important that parents are firm at all times to prevent these children with difficult temperaments from developing such self-centeredness that it prevents them from developing as competent adults. Personality is a mixture of genetic qualities and the stimulation that is received from our environment. Therefore, parents who act with permissiveness in these situations (without rules or control) will not be doing their children any favors. What’s more, they are encouraging the child to become capricious .
It is clear that many factors intervene in the behavior of a child, but it is undeniable that the family environment is one of the most important. Sometimes we attribute the child’s bad behavior to his character, but this is nothing more than a way of deceiving ourselves and taking responsibility from ourselves. It is very easy to say: “My son is a capricious” … While you buy him a bag of potato chips at the kiosk, after rejecting that healthy sandwich you made him as a snack. Ultimately, there is much that parents can do to reduce “selfishness” in their children.
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HOW CAN EMPATHY HELP US IMPROVE YOUR BEHAVIOR AND CHARACTER?
One way to make children more sensitive to the feelings of others is through empathy. It is the ability to put yourself in the place of the other person, try to understand them and feel the same as them.
Empathy allows us to think globally, not just about ourselves. It allows us to understand people, to respect them, to solve problems through dialogue, to be more flexible , less authoritarian, more tolerant of other cultures, peoples or people. Be less selfish and capricious. It allows us to be happy ourselves but also looking for the happiness of others. Since we cannot be truly happy if we do not share that happiness with someone. Ultimately, it allows us to be human.
Then we leave you with some general guidelines that can help us improve children’s empathy.
1. REDUCE SELF-CENTEREDNESS AND PRAISE COOPERATION
One way to improve empathy is by educating your child to talk to others in a cooperative way, for example when he helps a brother to clean the room, is kind to a friend or when he offers to help you with something, no matter how small. to be. However, if you are continually insisting on all the negative things he does , you will enter a vicious cycle and family relationships will be impoverished.
2. TAKE THEIR OPINION MORE INTO ACCOUNT
Ask their opinion to make decisions that will positively affect all members of the family. For example, the place of vacation or an excursion. However, it should not be his opinion that always prevails , from time to time say no so that he learns to tolerate frustration.
3. CHOOSE A MOMENT OF THE DAY TO SHARE ONLY WITH HIM AND TALK ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF OTHER PEOPLE AND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM
For example, if your child has hit a classmate, sit down with him and talk about the situation. Ask him how you think his partner felt, how he would have felt if they had done the same to him. Help him also to think of a way to solve things, propose your alternatives if he does not come up with anything. “You could apologize and buy him a new notebook. Of course, with your money” , “How could you solve it if something similar happens another day?”
Finally, it is better to give them the opportunity to repair the damage they have done than to use punishment directly. In this way you will learn that your behavior has consequences and that you have to take responsibility for them. If we only use punishment, we will teach him not to do things out of fear of the punishment itself but we will not promote sensitivity towards others. Apart from that there are children who are not afraid of punishment.
4. REWARD THEIR GOOD DEEDS
Sometimes it is difficult to find behaviors to praise but we have to make an effort, if we search very well we will surely find something that has been done well, no matter how small. If we reward him, there will be a better chance that he will do it again in the future.
5. MAKE HIM FEEL ADMIRED FOR HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR
Try to create situations where your child has the opportunity to do good deeds. The message has to be conveyed to him that by helping others he can come to feel admired and respected by others. On the other hand, the praise has to be credible. The use of positive reinforcement is widespread but we have to know when to use it. For example, if it is the first time that you share something with a friend or brother, do it, however, do not reward him every day that he does it because it will end up saturating and it will stop giving value.
6. AIM FOR EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
In order to increase self-confidence. If we point him to activities that children of the same age admire, we will prevent him from wanting to stand out by doing bad things. Team sports are a good alternative and contribute to camaraderie and cooperation.
7. ENCOURAGE “HEALTHY GUILT”
If there is a conflict between your child and another person (a friend, a brother …) take advantage of this feeling and use it as a tool to improve their empathy. If your child feels guilty when he has done something wrong, it means that he is able to put himself in the other’s shoes and reflect on his own behavior . And perhaps in the future, also to ask for forgiveness. It is vital to teach them to connect with the pain of others to improve empathy.
8. AVOID LABELS
There is a tendency for parents to label their children. “My son has no conscience” , “He does not think of others” , “He is like that” , “He is an impossible child” , etc. These types of comments do not help anyone. Neither parents nor children. With phrases of this type we will only be giving up and we are reducing them to characteristics that will prevent us from seeing other qualities that they also possess. We are limiting them . If we are continuously justifying the boy’s actions with phrases like the previous ones, we are saying that the boy is in a certain way and this in turn will influence in a negative way how we treat him and our expectations towards him.
9. SET AN EXAMPLE
Obviously we will have to set an example if we want to improve the empathy of the little ones. For example, calling someone who is in a bad time to ask how they are or if you can do them a favor, worrying about the feelings of other family members, helping a sick family member …
10. ASK THE CHILDREN HOW THEY FEEL IF SOMETHING GOOD / BAD HAS HAPPENED TO THEM
Thus, if we teach them to give importance to their emotions themselves, they will also worry more about those of others.
We hope that these tips have served you and that you put them into practice. There are some that are so simple to do that they often go unnoticed.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.